I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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