Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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