Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
