DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
