he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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