he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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