I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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