if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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