I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
