Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
