Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
