My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
