the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
