Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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