how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
