I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
