You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
