Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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