Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
