I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
