I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
