Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
