Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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