$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
