The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
