Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
