turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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