I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
