Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
