Please don't use social media to get back at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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