if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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