That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
