You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
