he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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