I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
