Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
