pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
