I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
