I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
