We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
