I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
