billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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