In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
