I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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