Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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