I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
