I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
