Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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