Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
