He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
