Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
