i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
