so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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