I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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