Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
