Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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