She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
